He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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