Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
