Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This house was built for laser tag.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
