Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
