Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
