mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Even my vagina gasped.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
