Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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