My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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