Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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