Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
