So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
