god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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