I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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