We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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