dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
