Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
