He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
