How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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