Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
