i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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