I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
