FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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