Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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