Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
