I want to have your abortion
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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