Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
