Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was CRYING into my vagina
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
