Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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