My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
