I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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