DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize