I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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