I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she peed on how many people?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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