I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
