That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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