so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize