My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
