im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize