Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
