two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
