Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
