Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
