my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
