Can Purell be used as lube?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
