I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize