I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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