I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
