Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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