I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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