Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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