You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
