Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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