Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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