if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can you bring me the toilet please
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
