Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
