yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
