trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
