he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
