so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
