Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
