he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize