Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
