I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
