Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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