that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
