my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
