I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
