I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im holly from the hills drunk
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize