I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
