my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
