i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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