He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
