all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
