once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
