i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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