How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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