Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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