Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
