so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
