you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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